But I’m a Virgin…

Over the past few months I’ve been getting quite a few emails from self-described Virgins who want to try sex toys either to prep themselves for future penetration or just for self-love fun so I have put my various answers  below all in one place. If you ever have questions about the right sex toy for you, just email me at searah@early2bed.com!



Q: I’m a virgin and I want to get a vibe but I am overwhelmed with the choices! I’ve never had anything inside down-there.  Can you help?
A : First lets start with the fact that lots of women just use vibes externally so you don’t have to put anything inside you if you do not want. But if you are looking to explore sensation in your vagina and need something very slender I’d look at these and be sure to use them with lube. Also note that all of these are great for clitoral stimulation as well so you can have fun with them even if you don’t enjoy them internally:
(Chek out all our vibrators here. You can sort them by width to find the slimmest ones!)
Q: What are the best/fun ways to masturbate for a virgin female?

A: Oh gosh, anyway that you want!
Here is an article we wrote about Masturbation. Tips on getting started are towards the middle. 
Most women focus on clitoral stimulation either with a hand or toy of some sort. We have a great book called Getting Off that lots of good tips and info. As for some quick tips, grab some lube and just explore your body with slick fingers. Stay on the outside if you want or explore your vagina too. Most women find they get best sensation on or around their clitoris but you never know what works for you. Some people put a pillow between their legs and rub themselves on that. Basically, anything you do that feels good to you! There is no need to put anything in your vagina if you do not want to!
Q: What kind of dildo would you recommend for not only a first time user, but also a virgin?

A: If you are mainly looking for something for fun sexual exploration I recommend our First Timers Kit. This has two vibes.. one that can be used or vaginal play and the other which is designed for clitoral use. The Shane vibe (the vaginal one) is nice and small to be comfortable for folks who have not had a lot or any experience with penetration.
And here are my top picks for someone looking to explore vaginal stimulation for the first time:

Billie: Small, flexible and made of 100% silicone.
Mistress: Longer and also made of 100% silicone.
Polly: Very thin and made of a great 100% silicone

Vibrating toys:
Slim: Made of hard plastic, this is on the thin side and will be very slick when lubbed up
Lia: This is a silicone dual action toy that is quite slender and easy to use.
Shane: Made of hard plastic, this is a small cheap vibe that can be great for experimenting with insertion.

We also carry a Dilation Kit which has multiple attachments in four sizes for anyone who want to gradually increase their comfort with different sized shafts.


Q: Hi there, I’m thinking about buying my first vibrator, and I have a question that I’ve never been able to ask. I’m a virgin, but a big fan of masturbation. Can I still use / derive the same pleasure out of an internal vibrator despite the fact that my hymen’s still there? And — this one I’ve really been afraid to ask — can I / should I / is it normal to break it yourself while using a vibrator? Does that happen, or am I just uninformed? I’d really really appreciate your help! Thanks a lot!

A: These are all great questions, and I will answer them to the best of my ability.

Firstly, I’m glad you’re a big fan of masturbation! That is the single best way to get to know what you like and don’t like and to be confident in your romantic liaisons. So congrats! :)

Secondly, I’m sure you know this, but you don’t have to use a vibrator internally. In fact, many if not most women buy vibes for clitoral stimulation. This is not to say you can’t derive pleasure from internal stimulation with a vibrator, simply that you have many many more nerve endings in your clitoris, and so it’ll just be a different sensation. Less than 30% of women find they can orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, so we often recommend combining clit stimulation with vaginal stimulation. Anyway, I tell you all this just to say that if you find you don’t readily orgasm through vaginal penetration, you’ll know it’s totally normal.

Thirdly, even if you haven’t had vaginal penetration, chances are your hymen is not “intact” anyway. Most reasonably active girls start to break up the brittle membrane that is the hymen by their teenage years or before, simply through athletic activity, tampon usage, etc. There are a lot of myths surrounding the hymen… including the myth that it is some kind of drum skin that stretches across the vagina, preventing anything from passing through, and that it remains intact until a penis (or vibrator) “ruptures” it.  This is just not true. Rarely, if ever, does a hymen stretch fully across the vagina. There can be discomfort and pain if any of the membrane remains and is ruptured when you use a vibrator, but that really depends. Using lube can help, especially if you’re nervous (and clench up your pelvic muscles in anticipation of pain), but it really just depends. Regardless, you won’t be puncturing or breaking anything in your vagina, because nothing exists inside there to break.

I would actually recommend you read this GREAT pamphlet from a Swedish sex ed organization — all about virginity and the hymen. It is fantastic, and will clear up any concerns and misconceptions that you may have — in a much more elegant way than I can. You can find it on this site (along with lots of other great stuff): http://www.rfsu.se/en/Engelska/Sex-and-Politics/Hymen-renamed-vaginal-corona/ Just scroll down a bit and download the PDF.