Over the past few months I’ve been getting quite a few emails from self-described Virgins who want to try sex toys either to prep themselves for future penetration or just for self-love fun so I have put my various answers below all in one place. If you ever have questions about the right sex toy for you, just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org!
Slim: Made of hard plastic, this is on the thin side and will be very slick when lubbed up
Lia: This is a silicone dual action toy that is quite slender and easy to use.
Shane: Made of hard plastic, this is a small cheap vibe that can be great for experimenting with insertion.
We also carry a Dilation Kit which has multiple attachments in four sizes for anyone who want to gradually increase their comfort with different sized shafts.
Q: Hi there, I’m thinking about buying my first vibrator, and I have a question that I’ve never been able to ask. I’m a virgin, but a big fan of masturbation. Can I still use / derive the same pleasure out of an internal vibrator despite the fact that my hymen’s still there? And — this one I’ve really been afraid to ask — can I / should I / is it normal to break it yourself while using a vibrator? Does that happen, or am I just uninformed? I’d really really appreciate your help! Thanks a lot!
Firstly, I’m glad you’re a big fan of masturbation! That is the single best way to get to know what you like and don’t like and to be confident in your romantic liaisons. So congrats!
Secondly, I’m sure you know this, but you don’t have to use a vibrator internally. In fact, many if not most women buy vibes for clitoral stimulation. This is not to say you can’t derive pleasure from internal stimulation with a vibrator, simply that you have many many more nerve endings in your clitoris, and so it’ll just be a different sensation. Less than 30% of women find they can orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, so we often recommend combining clit stimulation with vaginal stimulation. Anyway, I tell you all this just to say that if you find you don’t readily orgasm through vaginal penetration, you’ll know it’s totally normal.
Thirdly, even if you haven’t had vaginal penetration, chances are your hymen is not “intact” anyway. Most reasonably active girls start to break up the brittle membrane that is the hymen by their teenage years or before, simply through athletic activity, tampon usage, etc. There are a lot of myths surrounding the hymen… including the myth that it is some kind of drum skin that stretches across the vagina, preventing anything from passing through, and that it remains intact until a penis (or vibrator) “ruptures” it. This is just not true. Rarely, if ever, does a hymen stretch fully across the vagina. There can be discomfort and pain if any of the membrane remains and is ruptured when you use a vibrator, but that really depends. Using lube can help, especially if you’re nervous (and clench up your pelvic muscles in anticipation of pain), but it really just depends. Regardless, you won’t be puncturing or breaking anything in your vagina, because nothing exists inside there to break.
I would actually recommend you read this GREAT pamphlet from a Swedish sex ed organization — all about virginity and the hymen. It is fantastic, and will clear up any concerns and misconceptions that you may have — in a much more elegant way than I can. You can find it on this site (along with lots of other great stuff): http://www.rfsu.se/en/Engelska/Sex-and-Politics/Hymen-renamed-vaginal-corona/ Just scroll down a bit and download the PDF.