Right as I was getting all huffed up after reading this article about Maggie Gallagher’s attack on anal sex, I got a call from a man with a dildo stuck in his butt. Lucky for him, the dildo had a flared base, which happened to be attached to his wife’s harness. They were simply stuck together. He also informed me that they did not have lube.
I’m sure Ms. Gallagher would see this as case in point for her claim that anal sex is dirty and dangerous. I see it as case in point that people need accurate information on how to have safe, mutually pleasurable anal sex.
I know I’ve been through this many many times, but once again, the commandments of anal:
1. Use lube! More lube than you think is necessary.
2. Do not not put anything anywhere near your butt if it does not have a flared base.
3. Practice safer sex. Rectal tissue is delicate and vulnerable to infection.
4. Do NOT use numbing creams. Its supposed to feel good and you need to know if something is tearing.
5. If you are on the giving end, move very slowly and listen to your partner.
6. If you are on the receiving end, relax and communicate openly.
7. Don’t be afraid to use vibrators, fingers etc. on other fun parts at the same time!
And, if somehow you still end up anally stuck to your partner, relax, add lube, and try pushing it out like you do anything that’s stuck in your ass. If that doesn’t work, welcome to the lucky club of people who show up in the ER with things stuck in their butts.