Removing the spice from your sex life

Here’s a conundrum for you: what if the efforts you’re taking to spice up your sex life are really just making things less spicy, more tedious, and utterly discouraging?

There are lots of ways this can happen, but the biggest one is focusing your energy on the wrong thing — the symptom, let’s say, instead of the cause. Or to put it in more concrete terms: Let’s say you’re looking to add variety in your sex life by adding to your repertoire of acrobatic penis-in-vagina intercourse positions. There are lots of books and movies that can help you do this, and sure, they can be fun to look through and get excited over, but if you’re putting all your sex eggs in one position basket, you’ll probably wind up with dissatisfaction and a painfully pulled hamstring.

Luckily, Greta Christina has an intelligent, thoughtful blog discussing this very thing, so why not go over to her site and read that? Here’s a tidbit:

If you already have a good sex life — if you’re already mixing it up, if you’re already talking about what you like and what you might like to try next — there’s probably no harm in these books. You might even get a couple of good ideas from them…. But if what you have on your hands is an okay/ mediocre sex life that’s getting into a rut, I think these books can be actually harmful. They give a completely misleading idea of what it takes to introduce variety into a long-term sex life. They make it seem as if the heart of sexual variety lies, not in imagination and experimentation and honest loving communication, but in arranging your bodies at different intersecting angles. If couples try this, and it doesn’t make their sex lives feel invigorated — as it very likely wouldn’t — it seems to me that it’d be more discouraging than anything else.