Anal Sex: Dos and Don’ts

Lots of people of all genders and orientations enjoy anal stimulation. There are all kinds of things you can do with someone’s (or you own) butt from stimulating your ass with a vibrator during masturbation to strapping-on a dildo and penetrating your partner. There are, however, a few important dos and don’ts that you need to keep in mind with any butt play.

DO relax: Lots of people who are new to butt play are afraid of pain and consequently, they tense up when someone plays with their ass. This only makes it hurt more. The more you are able to relax and enjoy the butt action, the less painful you will find it. If you are relaxed, using plenty of lube and WANT to have anal sex, there should be very little pain, if any at all. And while anal sex is something that is enjoyed by lots of people (gay, straight, male, female and otherwise) it isn’t for everyone and you should never let anyone coerce you into doing anything that you don’t want to do.

DO use plenty of lube: Unlike our other sexual organs, anuses do not produce any lubrication of their own, so you should always use some sort of lube. You best best is to use a thicker, water-based lube like Slippery Stuff Gel, Probe or ForPlay Lube Deluxe. You can also use an oil based lube or even good old fashioned Crisco, but remember that if there is any oil in your lubricant, you will not be able to use any latex barriers (although you can use non-latex condoms and gloves) which brings me to my next point….

DO practice safer sex when having anal sex: The anus is made of delicate tissue that can easily rip or tear. This makes a person even more susceptible to infection of you are not properly protected. Use a condom on your dick. If you are using a butt plug, dildo or vibrator, using a condom will help keep the toy cleaner, especial if it is made of a porous material like jelly rubber. Wear finger cots or latex gloves if you are putting your finger, hand or fist in someone else ass. Not only they it protect your from disease, many people find that a gloved hand is more comfortable for the receiver (rough cuticles and hangnails can hurt!). If you are performing analingus (oral/anal contact) use a dental dam to protect yourself.

DO start slow: Most people cannot pleasurably go from being a butt sex virgin to taking a whole penis or dildo up their ass right away. Start out with inserting a finger or two and work your way up to a small butt plug. Some people find that they never really want to take anything bigger in their butt than a finger or plug and that is just fine. If you are angling for taking a whole cock or full sized dildo in there, move to a larger plug or more fingers before you go for the whole shebang.

DON’T ever put anything in your butt that doesn’t have a flanged base: Yes, things can get lost in there, so if your vibrator, dildo or random household object doesn’t have a base that will stop it from getting sucked into your butt, don’t put it in there! That is unless you have some kink about emergency rooms doctors removing objects from your anus.

DON’T do anything that hurts: Pain is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong.. If you experience a lot of pain, stop what you are doing. Anal sex may be a little uncomfortable at first, but it should not hurt. Lube, relaxation and desire to have something in your butt will make the whole experience a lot more pleasant.

DON’T use a desensitizing cream: There are creams and lubes out there that are made to numb you ass so you don’t feel pain when being penetrated. These are dangerous because usually if you are feeling pain when being penetrated that means that your tissue is tearing and you want to minimize that. It is important that you are in tune with and aware of your body’s sensations while having anal sex. Using a desensitizing cream only alienates your from your body and makes your more likely to cause some kind of damage.

For More information on anal sex, visit Pucker Up, anal sex expert Tristan Taormino’s website or with any specific questions you might have.

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Just a note, you cannot use non latex condoms with oil either, only lambskin which doesn't prevent sti/stds as well
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Just a note, you cannot use non latex condoms with oil either, only lambskin which doesn’t prevent sti/stds as well
Julia

Hi Den,

Thanks for the question. It sounds like you are pretty clean already, but here are some tips…

If using moist wipes, be sure to also gently dry the area afterward. Use gentle soap and water in the shower. We want to make sure that in your efforts to be clean, you aren't too harsh and cause other problems. You may want to consider removing or even just trimming hair from around your anus and genitals. This can make it easier to clean the area and that hair can also trap lingering odors. Your diet can also be a factor- make sure you drink plenty of water and get enough fiber.

If you want to feel cleaner for anal play, you can try using a gentle (just warm water) enema a few hours before playtime. Tristan Taormino has a good enema how-to here: http://www.puckerup.com/anal_a…

Taking a steamy and sudsy shower together can be a sensual activity for you both. Allowing her to shave the hair around your ass and genitals involves trust which can be really hot. She can also administer an enema for you.

Finally, remember that some smell is natural and healthy. It sounds like you are already pretty conscientious about your hygiene, so there might be another issue. If the odor you are experiencing is persistent and strong you should see a doctor. If your SO is just extra sensitive to your healthy natural smell, that's something she'll have to work through.

Best,
Julia from the E2B team
Julia

Hi Den,

Thanks for the question. It sounds like you are pretty clean already, but here are some tips…

If using moist wipes, be sure to also gently dry the area afterward. Use gentle soap and water in the shower. We want to make sure that in your efforts to be clean, you aren’t too harsh and cause other problems. You may want to consider removing or even just trimming hair from around your anus and genitals. This can make it easier to clean the area and that hair can also trap lingering odors. Your diet can also be a factor- make sure you drink plenty of water and get enough fiber.

If you want to feel cleaner for anal play, you can try using a gentle (just warm water) enema a few hours before playtime. Tristan Taormino has a good enema how-to here: http://www.puckerup.com/anal_advisor/enemas/enema_how-to

Taking a steamy and sudsy shower together can be a sensual activity for you both. Allowing her to shave the hair around your ass and genitals involves trust which can be really hot. She can also administer an enema for you.

Finally, remember that some smell is natural and healthy. It sounds like you are already pretty conscientious about your hygiene, so there might be another issue. If the odor you are experiencing is persistent and strong you should see a doctor. If your SO is just extra sensitive to your healthy natural smell, that’s something she’ll have to work through.

Best,
Julia from the E2B team
Casiobriggs

Good Afternoon,

My so says that one of the reasons why she doesn't give me head is that my ass smells.

I use flushable moist wipes after a bm and I use the hand-held shower head to irrigate/ clean that area.

I think the cleanliness factor, or lack thereof, is also a reason why she won't participate in anal play or sex.

How do I keep myself cleaner and smelling better down there?

Also, do you have any suggestions for making anal cleaning a sensual, pleasureful ritual for me to do/ with her and vice versa?

Thank you!

Den (casiobriggs@yahoo.com)
Casiobriggs

Good Afternoon,

My so says that one of the reasons why she doesn’t give me head is that my ass smells.

I use flushable moist wipes after a bm and I use the hand-held shower head to irrigate/ clean that area.

I think the cleanliness factor, or lack thereof, is also a reason why she won’t participate in anal play or sex.

How do I keep myself cleaner and smelling better down there?

Also, do you have any suggestions for making anal cleaning a sensual, pleasureful ritual for me to do/ with her and vice versa?

Thank you!

Den (casiobriggs@yahoo.com)
Matthew

Lawrence Lessig and Lee Baker have co-authored a scholarly work on anal sexuality. According to Lessig and Baker, anal sex is a physically and emotionally fulfilling alternative to genital sex which may increase intensity of orgasms. Many couples interviewed by Baker and Lessig reported that their emotional bonding increased after repeated experiences of anal sexuality. Baker and Lessig said that societal barriers to the enjoyment of anal sex are declining which removes inhibitions to participation in this ecstatic and gratifying sexual experience.
Matthew

Lawrence Lessig and Lee Baker have co-authored a scholarly work on anal sexuality. According to Lessig and Baker, anal sex is a physically and emotionally fulfilling alternative to genital sex which may increase intensity of orgasms. Many couples interviewed by Baker and Lessig reported that their emotional bonding increased after repeated experiences of anal sexuality. Baker and Lessig said that societal barriers to the enjoyment of anal sex are declining which removes inhibitions to participation in this ecstatic and gratifying sexual experience.
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Hi! Could you go into the Do's and Don'ts of Anal Douching?

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Cece

Hi! Could you go into the Do’s and Don’ts of Anal Douching?

Thanks!